Perhaps a Little Cranky

First off I need to apologize to the team for my lack of blogging lately.  I have no good excuse.  Yes life has been busy and unpredictable and yes I have been having technological difficulties with my google plus and yes I have been a little grumpy and frustrated, but none of that excuses my lack of publicly blogging.  I have sat down to blog every week but have only left the computer with a half a dozen almost finished blogs, with none of them feeling ready to publish.  So where am I and what am I doing?  Well to answer that is tough.  I have for the last 4 months been having some nerve issues in my arms. The last couple of months have only found things to get worse.  I have limited feeling in my arms during the day and I dread the nights more than anything.  Almost 2 hours after going to bed every night I am woken up with what starts as numbness, moving to tingling and then going to shooting pains that have me in tears.  And the night continues like this. To be honest I am completely exhausted, frustrated and tired and having my own little pity party. The last week has been exceptionally bad and I have found myself getting up at 4:00am just to avoid being rudely woken up again.  On a plus note, I have discovered that while all other normal people are still asleep, my dear friend in Australia is awake!   Thanks Darlene! I have exhausted all the chiropractors, massage, accupucture, ice and sleeping with braces to find no relief.  The lack of sleep is making concentration and thought processing difficult not to mention my body more susceptible to other injuries (with my good knee now tweaked).  As of last week, out of complete desperation, I have gone to see my doctor.  I know I should have done that sooner but I am stubborn (it runs in the family) and have had a hard time finding the time to make that happen (another bad excuse).  So I find myself now waiting for EMG (I think those are the right letters) and MRI appointments to find out just exactly what I’m dealing with.  Carpal Tunnel seems to be what is suspected and to the point where surgery is the next step.  Great, 6 weeks of down time, just what I need to get further behind.  With this unreliable grip I have I find myself concentrating and trying so hard to make sure I don’t lose my escrimas.  I am leery of being too close to the mirrors and worse yet to people. If anyone sees my lips moving during demo practice it’s me telling myself repeatedly “hold onto these sticks, hold onto these sticks!” 

Now after spitting that all out and hearing the voices from our last meeting, I am trying to make every effort to continue forward in my training.  I’m not going to lie, I’m finding it hard.  Going to classes with the mindset that I will listen to my body and progress wisely isn’t going so well.  I find there is a special kind of air in the kwoon that makes it hard to feel some injuries until either they are really bad or until I get out to my car.  Sitting on the bench I know I learn tons but it’s hard to sit when you want to do, I got to work on this.  I am still logging my numbers, pushups and plank have taken a kicking (sorry Sifu Csillag on the plank) but I am still on the sit ups, leg lifts, bridge and reaches and kms.   I have learnt the importance of rest for the body and the mind.  I realize all too well that the body can not function to full potential without proper rest and that injuries need to be acknowledged and maybe taken care of at an earlier date (not 4 months later).  I guess right now I have to work more on the mental part. I need to get past the frustration, disappointment and the ‘poor me’ attitude.  I’m working on this, please be patient. I have experienced that injuries can be good for my growth and that they can provide opportunities to learn and excel in other areas but this go around I’m having a harder time seeing that, maybe it’s the lack of sleep that is making this seem impossible.  So I am taking things day by day, still with longer term goals in mind.  I am grateful for the odd nights of more than 4 hours of sleep and that my family has not kicked me out of the house yet because of cantankerousness!

Alana Regier

http:/alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Power in Numbers

As King Solomon, who many historians consider the wisest man to ever live wrote “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor; if one falls down, another can help the other up.”  Ecclessiates 4:9-10

A common theme at the last meeting was the importance of the teams support.  Although it ultimately is our own choices that will determine what we accomplish and where we end up, I believe there is definitely power in numbers and for me it confirms the importance of a team such as the I Ho Chuan.  We all stumble, hit walls, grow tired, have circumstances that discourage and drag us down. These times can be very lonely and without people around us to support, encourage and kick our butts when needed, many will have the tendency to call it quits.  However, if we are surrounded by likeminded people who know and have an understanding of where we want to be and what we want to accomplish, we can be encouraged, pushed, motivated and helped up.  To me this reiterates the importance of building the relationships we do at Silent River as well as the importance of blogging openly, honestly and with purpose.  I have been on the receiving end of the support and help from both the I Ho Chuan team and the Silent River family over the years and understand firsthand the importance and difference it can make.  My success will not only be determined by me alone but by those I choose to surround myself with.  It is the impact that these relationships have that confirm the importance of not only watching out for fellow team mates but realizing that we each have a team to turn to when we need help. 

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Alana Regier

Body Taking a Kicking

The last couple of months have found more downs than ups with moments of my numbers taking a kicking.  I’ve been dealing with a couple of issues lately but it was most recently my back that was impossible to ignore, hindering everything I tried to do.  I have very reluctantly found myself realizing that I’m going to have to start doing things a little different than I have in the past.  Up to this point my jobs have always depended on me being physically able, which honestly I have really enjoyed.  Unfortunately I have found many things getting a little harder than they seemed a few years ago.  I find myself feeling a little humbled, frustrated and a little scared.  Finding myself in this place I believe I need to start focusing on doing things with sustainability and longevity in mind.  As life changes I need to adapt, not give up but adapt.  To rely on one facet or one area of strength is dangerous.  What happens when that strength is threatened or out of operation all together?  Age, injury, illness or circumstances can change things in a heartbeat.  So this puts me in a position of having to dig a little deeper in developing and strengthening in some other areas of my life.  At this moment I don’t exactly know what that looks like for me.  I just know that I have to face the facts that some things are going to have to change and I am going to have to stop resisting that fact. 

For my kung fu right now I’m feeling behind.  Every class I miss, every demo I can’t participate in, every form that has to be modified or every day my numbers aren’t where I want them is tough to swallow.  However with that being said I find myself learning other lessons about myself, about others, about life.  Not all these lessons are easy or even fun and many are hard to admit, but they are there waiting to be acknowledged and worked on.  So in a time that seems to be one of great instability, I find myself feeling a little frazzled and searching.   These are the moments I truly hope will be the ones I learn and grow the most, it’s this thought that will keep me muddling on.

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Control Freak

Yesterday turned out to be a little more enlightening than I had expected.  When the opportunity of attending the Horsemanship seminar was first posted I was one of the first to sign up.  The prospect of spending a day in an environment with horses, horse smells and surroundings that would bring back a flood of great memories was too much to pass up.  Little did I realize exactly just how much I would learn and take away from the day.

When we first arrived we were seated under a cozy gazebo surrounded by a beautiful garden, water fall, pond and the great outdoors. Amongst this a table with fresh desserts, fruit and the best biscuits I have ever eaten.  We began our afternoon by going over a few famous quotes, each of us picking out the one that spoke directly to us, giving everyone an idea of why we were there, our goals for the day and our comfort level with these incredibly sensitive, intelligent and magnificent animals.  My initial goal for the day was truly very simple, it was to spend a day in a relaxing environment, a day away from the ‘to do list’ and time spent outside the kwoon getting to better know a few of my fellow training mates.  Instead I learnt more about myself and a few of the many things I need to work on.   I needed perhaps an entire week spent at the end of a lead shank.   I found out I wasn’t able to run from a regular hectic Saturday morning and just jump into relax mode.  I found out I have more control issues than I would like to admit and may just be missing out on some of the more minute details (but maybe the most important) in many moments of life because of being in a rush to get to the end product.  In my horse picked for the day I met my match.  Nugget didn’t just go through the motions easily and out of routine but rather challenged me.  I looked at him; he looked at me, closed his eyes as he wished me good luck as he stood his ground.   He didn’t respond to the ‘me’ trying to take control and pull 750lbs on the other end of the lead to get the task done and move on to what’s next.  He had no use for the let’s get moving and we can squeeze even more into the afternoon attitude.  Rather he waited for me to breathe, be in the moment, move with intention and purpose and together work to get us to where we were to go.  

Then came the partner work where once again I found I had to work WITH my partner. I was blind folded leading Nugget while listening to my partner give me instructions as to how to avoid the obstacles on my way down the arena to retrieve the flag and get back safely.  I will be honest, it was hard to stay focused on my partners voice while all around me I could hear others giving instructions to their partners.  I felt I had no control, had to rely on another and was trying to do all this while in an environment full of distractions, all the time fighting the urge to lift the corner of the blindfold.  Trusting can be hard, even when it’s your own son who I hope wasn’t trying to run me into a fence or trip over the rail, although I’m sure it would make him giggle!

In the change of routine in life recently I have found that the roles I once filled and were responsible for are hard to give up and let go.  It is not for the sake that I want to do them myself because I truly do appreciate, need and want the help; it’s just that for so long I controlled them and it was my ‘job’ (as stupid as that may sound).  Others in my life, like Nugget, won’t always or maybe never, respond well with me pulling on the lead fighting for control. I need to hand over the reins on things at times and trust that others are quite capable to do as good of or better job than me.  Once again I am being shown that one person cannot accomplish what working together with others can and that working together and trusting one another makes the end result so much sweeter with many lessons learnt along the way. 

A huge thank you again to Mr. McKee, it was an absolutely wonderful day, rain, lightening, hail and all!

Alana Regier                               

  http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Getting the Swing of a New Routine

It has been just over a month now since I started back to work fulltime.  I have been fortunate to be able to be either a stay at home mom when the kids were young or to work part time with jobs that allowed me to work restricted hours around kids’ schedules.  Now as they are growing and becoming more independent I have taken a job that has turned my previous routine upside down.  Although this adjustment has been a bit of a challenge in some ways, my family has totally taken the initiative to help out everywhere possible without me even having to ask.  I am almost a little embarrassed to say that I have only had to cook meals on the weekends and have only had to do grocery shopping a handful of times.  My family may be liking this new routine with the added benefit of better cooking (thank you Brandon) and not having to hear me gripe about the busy line ups at the grocery store or how the shelves were empty and the lettuce limpy! 

My biggest adjustment may be the need for better organization and use of time. I don’t sit around well and have no problem keeping busy but I do have a tendency to think I’m better at multi- tasking than I actually am.  This can sometimes make a mess of good intentions.  Rather than trying to get 3 things done at one time, I need to focus on one and complete it completely and with quality.  Getting my numbers in is proving to be a bit tougher and quite often doesn’t happen till the end of the day which I have to admit is not always with the same gusto as earlier in the day.  On a positive note I have got back to being up before the kids and most of the neighborhood for my morning /get my butt moving walk/drag with my dog and most nights still get into the garage to get to my numbers.   I have been able to get in evening runs which I have found to be exceptionally good for the soul and a wonderful end to my day. 

All in all it’s a routine still in progress.  My list isn’t getting as short as I would like as fast as I would like, but it’s coming.  I have learnt that there is no shame in asking for help and that when everyone in the family works together chaos can be avoided and mama stays happy and well fedJ

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Harmony

From pretty much day one of this kung fu journey, we became aware that there is both a physical and mental aspect to our training.  However, what about the third, and in my opinion, the most important, the spiritual aspect?   I realize that this is very individual and varies greatly from person to person.  For myself, my spiritual life and faith is of great importance, it truly is the piece of the puzzle that brings everything together.  It gives purpose and meaning to what I do, it gives direction and peace, it gives hope and a future.  This spiritual part is the one that many times isn’t mentioned for differing reasons, whether it’s a lack of awareness, the idea that you may offend someone or just the desire to keep it to ones selves.  I don’t write this to argue what belief is truth, but rather to state the fact that when the physical, mental and spiritual are in harmony there is no end to the success we can have. 

As I look at different moments in my life, I see that my most successful, most peaceful and those moments most full of joy and contentment are when I am where I needed to be spiritually.  These are the moments when the physical and mental were kept in check and moving in a positive direction, all three working in harmony.  Then there are the times when I get caught up in the busyness and chaos of life around me and find myself more aware than ever of a most integral piece missing.   These are the times of missed moments and missed opportunities.  They are also the times when my perspective has a tendency of being a little more negative and in turn, my actions and reactions are ones I am not very proud of. 

So what difference can faith make?  I believe having faith gives you power, power to change the direction and outcome.  I believe it can promote tolerance, respect, understanding and an improvement of values.  I believe it gives people hope and with that hope the perseverance to continue living a life that is positive, encouraging and inspiring to those around us.  To live without faith of any kind seems hopeless and somewhat purposeless to me. The thought that my words and actions don’t make a difference either way, gives me little reason to ever make wise and thoughtful choices.  It makes my existence seem of little importance.  We have enough negative and destructiveness in our world; do I really want to be a part of and responsible for what is wrong?  As hard as it may be some days, I need to make the conscious decision to listen to that part of me that requires my mindful attention.  I need to continue to feed and delve deeper in my spiritual life in order to grow and have the harmony I need.

In a world where there never seems to be enough time and one full of distractions, it is easy to get pulled in the opposite direction of where our heart wants to lead us.  It is more important than ever to develop and grow this area of our lives.  It is guaranteed to change our attitude, our approach and our success.

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Struggles

I believe we each have struggles of one kind or another.  Some may be bigger and more complex; others may seem small in comparison.  No matter what the struggle is, it is real and legitimate to the person going through it. I wonder if we would treat those around us differently if we each had a sign around our neck stating what we suffer from, struggle with or worry over.  Would we continue to judge people based on our own perception and lack of knowledge of what is really going on in a person’s life?  Would we act with more compassion, empathy, forgiveness and patience if we could really see the inner turmoil of someone in front of us?  Or would we go out of our way to avoid uncomfortable conversations and situations, deny that we heard or saw anything of concern and then plead ignorance when a person’s struggles finally take them to a drastic place? How could we change the lives of those around us just by listening and reaching out to those who are silently screaming for help? 

This week I find myself struggling with the loss of a wonderful young lady, a 13 year old with beauty, talent and so much potential.  I am desperately trying to understand something that seems to have no answer.  I find myself going over many different occasions wondering if I missed seeing any sign that there was something wrong.  What could I have done had I been aware there was a need?  How did so many people miss seeing she needed help?  I worry about the world my kids are growing up in.  They seem to be a generation full of opportunity but are in a world that is expecting them to grow up before they are ready.  They are dealing with issues that kids are not mature enough or equipped to deal with, ending with drastic results.  I turned on the news this morning and the first story is about a First Nation Community declaring a state of emergency after a number of suicide attempts reported over this past weekend.  This community alone has reported 101 suicide attempts since August.  How has this gotten so out of control? What message are people hearing that makes them believe they are not worthy and that there is no other answer? 

I desperately urge all who read this to pay attention to those around you. Talk to your children. Make a point of knowing what is going on in their lives.  Leave no doubt in their minds that you love them, are there for them and that they can come to you with anything.  Don’t be quick to dismiss things that may seem insignificant to you but to a child or teenager may just seem like the end of the world.  Truly listen and help them grow up confident knowing they are worthy; they have a purpose and more than anything that they are loved.

 

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca