Perhaps a Little Cranky

First off I need to apologize to the team for my lack of blogging lately.  I have no good excuse.  Yes life has been busy and unpredictable and yes I have been having technological difficulties with my google plus and yes I have been a little grumpy and frustrated, but none of that excuses my lack of publicly blogging.  I have sat down to blog every week but have only left the computer with a half a dozen almost finished blogs, with none of them feeling ready to publish.  So where am I and what am I doing?  Well to answer that is tough.  I have for the last 4 months been having some nerve issues in my arms. The last couple of months have only found things to get worse.  I have limited feeling in my arms during the day and I dread the nights more than anything.  Almost 2 hours after going to bed every night I am woken up with what starts as numbness, moving to tingling and then going to shooting pains that have me in tears.  And the night continues like this. To be honest I am completely exhausted, frustrated and tired and having my own little pity party. The last week has been exceptionally bad and I have found myself getting up at 4:00am just to avoid being rudely woken up again.  On a plus note, I have discovered that while all other normal people are still asleep, my dear friend in Australia is awake!   Thanks Darlene! I have exhausted all the chiropractors, massage, accupucture, ice and sleeping with braces to find no relief.  The lack of sleep is making concentration and thought processing difficult not to mention my body more susceptible to other injuries (with my good knee now tweaked).  As of last week, out of complete desperation, I have gone to see my doctor.  I know I should have done that sooner but I am stubborn (it runs in the family) and have had a hard time finding the time to make that happen (another bad excuse).  So I find myself now waiting for EMG (I think those are the right letters) and MRI appointments to find out just exactly what I’m dealing with.  Carpal Tunnel seems to be what is suspected and to the point where surgery is the next step.  Great, 6 weeks of down time, just what I need to get further behind.  With this unreliable grip I have I find myself concentrating and trying so hard to make sure I don’t lose my escrimas.  I am leery of being too close to the mirrors and worse yet to people. If anyone sees my lips moving during demo practice it’s me telling myself repeatedly “hold onto these sticks, hold onto these sticks!” 

Now after spitting that all out and hearing the voices from our last meeting, I am trying to make every effort to continue forward in my training.  I’m not going to lie, I’m finding it hard.  Going to classes with the mindset that I will listen to my body and progress wisely isn’t going so well.  I find there is a special kind of air in the kwoon that makes it hard to feel some injuries until either they are really bad or until I get out to my car.  Sitting on the bench I know I learn tons but it’s hard to sit when you want to do, I got to work on this.  I am still logging my numbers, pushups and plank have taken a kicking (sorry Sifu Csillag on the plank) but I am still on the sit ups, leg lifts, bridge and reaches and kms.   I have learnt the importance of rest for the body and the mind.  I realize all too well that the body can not function to full potential without proper rest and that injuries need to be acknowledged and maybe taken care of at an earlier date (not 4 months later).  I guess right now I have to work more on the mental part. I need to get past the frustration, disappointment and the ‘poor me’ attitude.  I’m working on this, please be patient. I have experienced that injuries can be good for my growth and that they can provide opportunities to learn and excel in other areas but this go around I’m having a harder time seeing that, maybe it’s the lack of sleep that is making this seem impossible.  So I am taking things day by day, still with longer term goals in mind.  I am grateful for the odd nights of more than 4 hours of sleep and that my family has not kicked me out of the house yet because of cantankerousness!

Alana Regier

http:/alanaregier.blogspot.ca