Sunday, 12 June 2016

Control Freak


Yesterday turned out to be a little more enlightening than I had expected.  When the opportunity of attending the Horsemanship seminar was first posted I was one of the first to sign up.  The prospect of spending a day in an environment with horses, horse smells and surroundings that would bring back a flood of great memories was too much to pass up.  Little did I realize exactly just how much I would learn and take away from the day.

When we first arrived we were seated under a cozy gazebo surrounded by a beautiful garden, water fall, pond and the great outdoors. Amongst this a table with fresh desserts, fruit and the best biscuits I have ever eaten.  We began our afternoon by going over a few famous quotes, each of us picking out the one that spoke directly to us, giving everyone an idea of why we were there, our goals for the day and our comfort level with these incredibly sensitive, intelligent and magnificent animals.  My initial goal for the day was truly very simple, it was to spend a day in a relaxing environment, a day away from the ‘to do list’ and time spent outside the kwoon getting to better know a few of my fellow training mates.  Instead I learnt more about myself and a few of the many things I need to work on.   I needed perhaps an entire week spent at the end of a lead shank.   I found out I wasn’t able to run from a regular hectic Saturday morning and just jump into relax mode.  I found out I have more control issues than I would like to admit and may just be missing out on some of the more minute details (but maybe the most important) in many moments of life because of being in a rush to get to the end product.  In my horse picked for the day I met my match.  Nugget didn’t just go through the motions easily and out of routine but rather challenged me.  I looked at him; he looked at me, closed his eyes as he wished me good luck as he stood his ground.   He didn’t respond to the ‘me’ trying to take control and pull 750lbs on the other end of the lead to get the task done and move on to what’s next.  He had no use for the let’s get moving and we can squeeze even more into the afternoon attitude.  Rather he waited for me to breathe, be in the moment, move with intention and purpose and together work to get us to where we were to go.  

Then came the partner work where once again I found I had to work WITH my partner. I was blind folded leading Nugget while listening to my partner give me instructions as to how to avoid the obstacles on my way down the arena to retrieve the flag and get back safely.  I will be honest, it was hard to stay focused on my partners voice while all around me I could hear others giving instructions to their partners.  I felt I had no control, had to rely on another and was trying to do all this while in an environment full of distractions, all the time fighting the urge to lift the corner of the blindfold.  Trusting can be hard, even when it’s your own son who I hope wasn’t trying to run me into a fence or trip over the rail, although I’m sure it would make him giggle!

In the change of routine in life recently I have found that the roles I once filled and were responsible for are hard to give up and let go.  It is not for the sake that I want to do them myself because I truly do appreciate, need and want the help; it’s just that for so long I controlled them and it was my ‘job’ (as stupid as that may sound).  Others in my life, like Nugget, won’t always or maybe never, respond well with me pulling on the lead fighting for control. I need to hand over the reins on things at times and trust that others are quite capable to do as good of or better job than me.  Once again I am being shown that one person cannot accomplish what working together with others can and that working together and trusting one another makes the end result so much sweeter with many lessons learnt along the way. 

A huge thank you again to Mr. McKee, it was an absolutely wonderful day, rain, lightening, hail and all!

Alana Regier                               
  http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

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