Splattered on the Wall

As I find myself in a funk in my training, unable to explain why and unsure of how to crawl out, I read one of Tom Callos’ recent posts titled “Hitting a Wall.” The timing of this particular post could not be more perfect as in many ways I think I may actually be more splattered on the wall.  As I read it I could without doubt nod my head with complete understanding.  I could visualize myself too choosing Star Bucks over going to class and not understanding why. 

For almost 7 years I worked my way from white belt to black belt, continually being taught and led in my training and then I reach this black belt level and all of a sudden I felt somewhat lost as to the direction I was supposed to go.  I remember the realization quickly that this was completely the start of my training and that I hadn’t even scratched the surface.  So how do I progress with taking my training to the next level? I’m not an unmotivated soul. My drive and determination is mimicked off the mats and beyond the four walls of the kwoon. One would think that it would just be a constant progression, reach one level continue on working to the next, however , I haven’t been able to get to that place and find myself  trying to figure out why. It’s not the belt or the red stripe that I am so fixed on getting, for me it is the journey in reaching that spot.  It’s the lessons and growth along the way.  It’s the difference I can make in the world around me.  I want to know with every fiber of my being that when I reach that level I have truly earned it.  The one lesson that stands out vividly that I can say I am working on steadily on this journey is patience.  I wish I could say it was easy and that I was successfully winning but it seems to be one of the lessons that is more of a work in progress, the one step forward two back type.

 It can be less visible that everyone has struggles, that we all have valleys and mountains tops.  Mentors and heroes can be easily put in a category of having special powers that make them untouchable and perfect but in reality they are as human as I am.  They still hurt, struggle and feel frustrated and disappointed. The difference is how they overcome and persevere.  How they don’t allow the crap stuff to beat them down and allow it to become an excuse as to why they didn’t or why they can’t.  They are determined and because of this become the leaders and mentors that stand out and motivate others.  It’s in witnessing those I admire and look up to struggle, fail and overcome that I am truly inspired.  They are extraordinary because of what they have conquered and become and give me hope that I am capable of the same if I choose to be.

As Tom Callos said in his post:

 “Yes, I hit the wall too.  When you see me do it, then watch me. Watch what I do.”

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca