The most popular question of the weekend for me, so…. how did
it go? Two days later and I’m still not sure how to
completely answer that. How I’m feeling
has changed a few times from Saturday night up until this very moment as I
reflect and think about the day and this entire last year.
After walking out of the kwoon Saturday night and crawling
(yes crawling) into my vehicle, I felt happy. My happiness wasn’t with my
feeling on how I performed but rather that I had, after so many doubts, taken the
risk and tried. I came home to a quiet
house, made a couple of phone calls to a pacing husband and brother, then took
my dog for a walk (2km route was all I was up for), not quite believing that
the day was done.
For me, this was accomplishing another challenge. I don’t do well up in front of people and add
the pressure of an exam, well seems to me a recipe for disaster. However, I made it through the day and was
still on the right side of the grass (or snow) at the end of it. The day was humbling and exhausting. I couldn’t believe how exhaustion can take
away the details of technique.
Techniques I had practiced over and over again got sloppy and some
details missed. It pointed out some very
obvious things I need to work on as well as things I wasn’t even totally aware
of. I came out overwhelmed and couldn’t
believe just how much I had learned throughout one day. There is no doubt after
Saturday that I have totally just started learning, this is truly just the
beginning of how much there is yet to learn.
I have started three lists since Saturday night for myself.
1.)
What to do differently to prepare
2.)
What I need to work on
3.)
What I
learned (everything I could remember)
Overall, it was a good day.
It pushed me physically, mentally and spiritually beyond where I thought
I would be willing to go.
Alana Regier
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