Just Relax!

This last week has been kind of blah for me.  I’ve been feeling a little under the weather since Wednesday, and still not feeling wonderful yet today.  Tis the season for bugs!  This week I have been trying to focus on relaxing my shoulders.  I have been told repeatedly the last couple weeks (and on other occasions) to relax, let my shoulders down; if only it was that easy.   I seem to catch myself constantly with my shoulders up right under my ears, whether it is doing a form, driving or even cooking supper.  What started as being careful after injuring my shoulder four years ago has turned into a bad habit of trying to protect it constantly.  The tension, numbness and pain has become an expected part of each day for me.  It is very rare for me to have a full night sleep without numbness turning into aching pain starting in my shoulder and going to the tips of my fingers (no wonder I’m so tired).   Over the last couple of years the numbness has started to hit during the day.  Certain things in class can trigger it (even just standing with my hands behind my back), washing the car with the pressure washer and even vacuuming.   I’ve been told to avoid things that aggravate it, but most times I don’t even know what that may be until it’s too late.  For the last year I have been trying the massage, chiropractor, acupuncture, Recovery etc….  with only temporary results.  So this week I’m back to the basics.  I have been trying to be very aware throughout my days to relax and let the shoulders down.  I have to admit it has not been easy and I am still catching myself constantly but it’s a start.  Crumb, just caught myself again as I type this!

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

 

 

So... how did it go?

The most popular question of the weekend for me, so…. how did it go?   Two days later and I’m still not sure how to completely answer that.  How I’m feeling has changed a few times from Saturday night up until this very moment as I reflect and think about the day and this entire last year. 

After walking out of the kwoon Saturday night and crawling (yes crawling) into my vehicle, I felt happy. My happiness wasn’t with my feeling on how I performed but rather that I had, after so many doubts, taken the risk and tried.  I came home to a quiet house, made a couple of phone calls to a pacing husband and brother, then took my dog for a walk (2km route was all I was up for), not quite believing that the day was done.  

For me, this was accomplishing another challenge.  I don’t do well up in front of people and add the pressure of an exam, well seems to me a recipe for disaster.  However, I made it through the day and was still on the right side of the grass (or snow) at the end of it.  The day was humbling and exhausting.  I couldn’t believe how exhaustion can take away the details of technique.  Techniques I had practiced over and over again got sloppy and some details missed.  It pointed out some very obvious things I need to work on as well as things I wasn’t even totally aware of.  I came out overwhelmed and couldn’t believe just how much I had learned throughout one day. There is no doubt after Saturday that I have totally just started learning, this is truly just the beginning of how much there is yet to learn. 

I have started three lists since Saturday night for myself.

1.)    What to do differently to prepare

2.)    What I need to work on

3.)     What I learned (everything I could remember)

Overall, it was a good day.  It pushed me physically, mentally and spiritually beyond where I thought I would be willing to go. 

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

 

One Step Forward, Two Back

I’ve had a hard time writing this week.  I’m not sure how to put into words where I am or how I’m feeling.  Plain and simple, I have been feeling exhausted and kind of burnt out. 

I have struggled trying to figure out if what I am feeling is ‘normal’ at this stage in the game.  I have had the feelings of one step forward and two back.  Last week ends forms seminar was another of those two steps back.  I had for the most part learnt the Lau Gar form from watching video.  Although a great tool, it’s not perfect.  Most details in the form I missed on tape.  So for over a year I had been practicing and building muscle memory that wasn’t right on.  Trying to change those habits isn’t as easy as I would have hoped. I learned an incredible amount in the 4 hours last Saturday and a big thanks to my very patient instructor.  When it came to performing my form in front of everyone at the end of the day, there I choked.  Not only did I have to perform in front of people but I found myself thinking ahead instead of focusing on what I was actually doing at that moment.  I was trying to remember and process everything I had just learnt and my brain hurt.  I heard the little voice in my head saying “when you get to … make sure you don’t forget…” and “remember not to …”   

Then there is performing in front of others.  I have for 39 years let this fear stand in my way in many areas of my life.   I have tried to figure out where it originated from, but can’t for the life of me come up with anything.  I grew up in a loving and supportive family, I had good friends, I wasn’t put down or belittled, so where does this lack of confidence come from?    Somewhere over the years I have allowed this to continue and let it hold me back from doing a number of things in life.   The past two years in kung fu has pushed me little by little out of my comfort zone.  This year alone I think I have made steps forward (little they may be). After 39 years I can’t realistically expect change overnight, so this is something I am going to have to make a conscious effort at continually. Guess what’s on my mind for my 2013 challenges!

 I have travelled along this journey for six years now.  I had no idea at the start the incredible ride this was going to be.  As students of Silent River, we are all working towards mastery, toward something out of the ordinary.  It’s not supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to challenge us so we can grow and become different and better people than when we first started.

 

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca