Where I Am

It can be hard to reveal to others exactly what is going on in our lives, more often than not, harder with people you know versus a stranger on the street.  I have tried and retried to write this blog for quite some time without success.  I am pretty confident it will still not come out as eloquently as I hoped but its time.  I have been struggling with my blogging along with pretty much all of my requirements. I have found the balls I have been juggling laying unmoving by my feet.  Where some may struggle with finding something to write, I struggle with hitting the publish button.  What I have written I believe has merit; however, I believe that my blogging should be honest and transparent of my journey, especially when things aren’t going so well.

In a nut shell, I have been working on fixing all my broken pieces; these pieces being made up of physical body parts but on a larger scale, the mental part. The truth is I have become bogged down and worn out. I am in a place that is hard to feel motivation or the ability to make any goals past next week.  In my effort to try to figure out how to win the battle, I believe I have two things in particular that are making this fight so hard; the first being the fact that there are some things in life that are beyond my control.  Being a person who tends to have control freak moments and one who likes to plan and schedule, I have found this place hard to manage and destructive to how and what gets done. I can’t fix what I want to, heal what is hurting or control some circumstances life throws at me. I am very aware that I have control over how I react but the truth is the feeling of being overwhelmed can take over what logic says.  Add to that my second battle, my unwillingness to accept mediocrity and the desire and need to go further than what I may be able to. My inability to be at peace with “good enough” or the ordinary has me dealing with added discouragement, resentment and lack of direction.  It’s this determination to push myself towards particular goals that has got me in a bit of a pickle more than once and recently has set me back in my training significantly. I have a vision of where I want to be and what I want to do and the reality that I may have to change my expectations seems deflating. Where I am right now, I have found more comfort in working and training on my own, resulting in becoming disconnected from the team and a big part of my training.  I have not given up or in any way stopped.  I continue to blog for myself and to journal my km’s, push ups, sit ups along with other training in a bit of a different direction.  I know this is falling short on what I have committed to but I feel like I’m doing the best I can at this moment. I don’t want to make excuses but rather to own up to my short comings and to be honest with the team as to where I am. It truly is harder to come back the longer you are away but it’s the first step needed to reconnect me.

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

The Kindness Diaries

In the wake of so much sadness, confusion and anger, it can be hard to see the goodness and love that still exists.  We are being bombarded with messages of hate and fear on the television, newspaper and social media. Unless you are aware of the possible effects, the constant hum of despair and negativity can easily steal the hope and faith you have in the world you live.

 About a week ago Kayden came home from school excited about a guest speaker they had who taught a powerful message.  This man’s name is Leon Logothetis.  Leon’s story began as a well off stock broker who was unhappy and went in the search of something more.  He documented on camera his trip around the world on a yellow motorcycle named Kindness One on a quest to “ignite goodwill and transform lives.”  Now our family is not a huge television watching one, however, I found myself intrigued with Leons documentary which is showing on the Netflix series The Kindness Diaries. In this series, the footage is put together showing Leons journey to travel around the world relying completely on the kindness of strangers.  Every drop of gas, every meal and every bed he sleeps in is graciously given to him by complete strangers.  Now I have only seen the first 5 episodes so far but I have found myself encouraged, uplifted, smiling, laughing and even crying during these half  hour episodes. Not only am I touched by the goodness and love that is very much alive but by what strangers are willing to share and the lessons they teach through their kindness. 

I have to be honest, as much as I love helping people, if a strange man came up to me randomly on the street and asked if he could spend the night at my house, everything in my bones would be screaming NO! However, even many of these people who had that same inner voice were willing to reach out in other, safer ways whether a meal, a tank of gas or a fencing lesson (you have to watch).  What has stood out the most in these first 5 episodes is that those that seem to give the most have the least.  One man that Leon approaches in Pittsburg when asked if he would be willing to put Leon up for the night at his house, looks him in the eyes and says he doesn’t have a house, he is homeless and lives on the street.  Even with so little he invites him with open arms and a loving heart to stay in his area on the street curb with a couple of friends to share what little they have.  He introduced Leon to his friends, gave him his old lawn chair to sit on, fed him what little food he could find and made a bed for him on the sidewalk out of the few pieces of bedding he possessed.  This is true kindness, true love, true goodness and truly a beautiful heart. 

Now it would be unrealistic to believe that a person could solve all the problems of poverty, war, greed, corruption etc. that exsists in our world, but as Edmund Burke said “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”  Rather than make the excuses that as one person we will never make a difference, we need do for one what we wish we could do for many.  We may never directly see the effects our kind words and actions have but I believe that they will change somebody’s life somewhere and will have a forever trickledown effect.  Continue to look for opportunities to spread kindness and listen and learn from the lessons that come with them.

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

No Coin Required

I’ve been struggling with feelings of disappointment and let down that my body doesn’t seem quite able to or is finding it difficult to accomplish goals that my stubborn mind is determined to accomplish.  As I prepare for death race in two weeks, I’m finding that I can’t will my body to do what my mind says I want it to.  I left registration this year to the last minute allowing myself only a month till run day, not because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to run but for the simple fact of not sure if I should or could.  With only hours left to the close of registration I signed up feeling both excited and a little nervous.  In the past five years of being a part of this race I don’t think I’ve ever felt as prepared as I’ve wanted and hoped to be, this year even with more reservations.  As the date approaches very quickly I can’t help but feel more excitement than anything because of what this weekend has grown to mean to me.  The environment and the people I’m surrounded by continue to challenge, inspire and just plain pump a person up.  The August long weekend has turned into so much more than just a physical challenge and push, it has become an experience that speaks to every part of me. 

So what am I going to feel if this year I don’t cross the finish line in time?  I’ve thought a lot about this, about my intent when running.  What keeps me going back every year?  The measure of success is individual.  Some may think you need to cross the finish at a certain time and receive the medal at the end in order to consider your day/night a success.  I however belong to the second group.  The group that has learned that its more about the experience they gain and what they learn from it. Now don’t get me wrong the shiny coin in the end is nice but it doesn’t compare to the memories of majestic views, sounds, smells, conversations and true peace.  Each year I learn more about myself and about life. I add to the collection of moments and memories.  One can only laugh at the slimy mango story at Ambler Loop.  Or the graceful fall ended with a shoulder roll down a rock strewn hill that left a bloody leg on leg 1.  Or how about the bear met on the trail that pushed you to run just a little bit faster than ever in your life.  And then there are the brief but meaningful conversations had with the 73 year old race icon whose mere presence inspires you to the bone to what you want to be like when you grow up.  Along with the comradery along the trail to new friends met to the sharing of Advil and salt pills.  And who can forget the feeling of reaching that mountain peak only to look down with absolute amazement that your own two legs got you there and look at that view, truly indescribable.  All these moments I would not have traded, blisters, shin splints or upset stomach and all.  So this year I go whether taped in KT tape or duct tape with the intent of pushing myself physically but more than anything to add to the collection of moments so dear to me.  I don’t know what the end result of this day will be for me but I look forward to the new challenge and what the day and weekend has in store.

Alana Regier

 

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

 

Canada Day

So another Canada Day full of demonstrations has come and gone.  Dragon and lion dances were enjoyed and our team was able to perform demonstrations to wow.  No dropping of weapons…oh no that’s right I did have a bokken leave my feeble grip.  Who knew the combination of one hand without feeling and another sweaty from the heat was a bad mix?  I guess a positive spin is nobody was impaled and I was able to smile at myself. 

As much as I would have much preferred to have a malfunction happen during practice at the kwoon, or better yet in the privacy of my back yard, the reality is that’s not exactly how it works, we don’t usually get to choose when our grip gives way.  As goofy as it may sound, this glitch was another growing moment for me.  At one point in this journey this ‘oops’ would probably have kept me from performing ever again.  It would have had my face a shade redder than anyone would have thought possible and I may have even found myself coming back to the kwoon in a disguise of black shades, a wig and a handkerchief.  Fortunately I have come a long way.  I have learnt that mistakes and malfunctions don’t always happen during the practice sessions and that I am only human without control over everything.  Sometimes we need to dust ourselves off, pick up that weapon once again and continue on.  Giving up never changed or solved anything.  I only wish I was faster on my feet and would have maybe followed my bokken down the hill with a beautiful shoulder roll, grabbing it with my teeth as I passed and continuing on, all the while like I meant to do that.  Notes for the future!

I would like to say a well done by all who performed in anyway on Saturday and to thank those who came out to share and support our I Ho Chuan team.  It was greatly appreciated.

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Always Someone to Help

We have yet again reached a new stage in our family.  Our oldest son, Brandon, is working this summer for an environmental company out of Sherwood Park.  This job is taking him to remote and distant places around our province and BC.  What is kind of cool is that we now have a continuing family chat text conversation exchanging pictures of a variety of plants as we come upon them trying to properly identify them.   The fact that nobody knows everything, has our little group pulling  our combined info and experience together to come up with answers.  Rather than stumbling, struggling and wasting time trying to figure it out on our own, we have reached out for help.  Kind of a phone a friend idea. I'm not going to lie, it's been kind of cool and a real reminder that we can't always do everything on our own, that we are surrounded by people who can and want to help.  We have a wealth of knowledge that may surprise each one of us right at our finger tips.  Most times, we just need to ask.   As humbling as it may be at times we are often given people and opportunities in life that allow us to both be helped and also help those around us.

For our family, we have been able to not only combine our knowledge to come up with answers but have also had the opportunity to share our day and even pictures of wildlife seen with each other really makes you feel a little closer than the distance between Stony Plain and Fort St. John.  Although I have to admit I'm having a hard time matching the pictures and videos of bears and caribou.  Not much more past coyotes and gophers around here.  I'm holding out to see one of the wild boars I keep being warned about.  Now that would be hard to beat!

Alana Regier

Good Bug or Bad Bug?

I will apologize in advance for my bug talk especially for those who may be a little squeamish when it comes to crawly things.  This is what happens when your job has you spending more time with plants and bugs than with people.  The great outdoors, best office in the world! 

In my job we have many insects brought in baby food jars for identification, the reason being that people want to know is it a good bug or a bad bug?  Of course there is the lady bug which everyone knows to be a friend but what about all those others that don’t have those cute polka dots?  If they are black, hairy, long antennas and just plain ugly does that automatically makes them bad? A lot of people see bugs and think ‘must squish’; however, there are a massive amount of crawly things that are actually beneficial in huge ways; for example, the braconid wasp.  Many things about this insect upon first appearance scream SQUISH! This is a species whose females inject its eggs into host insects, which many times this host is destructive to many plants and trees.  These eggs then hatch into larvae which feed inside the host insects. Once the larvae have reached full development the host insect (problem insect) dies, nature’s own biological control. I know gross, but bear with me. 

Like so many things in life that change or hit us out of the blue it becomes easy to come to the conclusion that if we don’t want it or didn’t ask for it, it must be bad.  Whether it’s an illness, injury, job loss or whatever it may be, I believe it is for a reason.  Maybe it’s to humble us, maybe it’s to move us into a better job or relationship or maybe it’s to keep us safe from that which we aren’t even aware of. Although I may not understand many of these things that appear to me as something negative and ugly, I am also aware that I don’t see the entire picture.  Sometimes the valleys loaded with discouragement, pain and disappointment are the paths that lead us to something great, something that wouldn’t be possible without first going through the low times. Not that I welcome the valleys with open arms but I am trying harder every day to see the positive, to see the possibilities.

 

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca

Purslane

Purslane is a plant found sometimes in great abudance, a weed to some and a plant with a purpose to others. It has succulent leaves and yellow flowers.  It may appear to be just another plant but what many may not know is that one plant is capable of producing 2,000,000 seeds that can stay viable for up to 40 years! Nature always amazes me with its ability to survive. 

In reading these tidbits I couldn't help but see a correlation to our acts of kindness.  Like the purslane plant, we as individuals have the capability of making a huge impact with each act of kindness we perform.  We may be just one lonely plant wondering some days if our actions ever really matter or if they have lasting impact that will reach beyond what we see directly in front of us today. There are many acts that we will never  directly see the impact we have made but I do believe that every act of kindness, every time we act honestly and with integrity and every time we put others before ourselves, there will be results that change lives. Every piece of garbage we pick up, every kind word we have for another or every worm, lady bug or ant we relocate, we make a difference. 

Like the one purslane plant that disperses 2,000,000 seeds and can hang around for 40 years waiting for optimum conditions to decide to sprout we too can continue to live a life that will have ever lasting effects for generations to come.