I’ve been
struggling with feelings of disappointment and let down that my body doesn’t
seem quite able to or is finding it difficult to accomplish goals that my
stubborn mind is determined to accomplish.
As I prepare for death race in two weeks, I’m finding that I can’t will
my body to do what my mind says I want it to.
I left registration this year to the last minute allowing myself only a
month till run day, not because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to run but for the
simple fact of not sure if I should or could.
With only hours left to the close of registration I signed up feeling
both excited and a little nervous. In
the past five years of being a part of this race I don’t think I’ve ever felt
as prepared as I’ve wanted and hoped to be, this year even with more
reservations. As the date approaches
very quickly I can’t help but feel more excitement than anything because of
what this weekend has grown to mean to me.
The environment and the people I’m surrounded by continue to challenge,
inspire and just plain pump a person up.
The August long weekend has turned into so much more than just a
physical challenge and push, it has become an experience that speaks to every
part of me.
So what am I
going to feel if this year I don’t cross the finish line in time? I’ve thought a lot about this, about my
intent when running. What keeps me going
back every year? The measure of success
is individual. Some may think you need
to cross the finish at a certain time and receive the medal at the end in order
to consider your day/night a success. I
however belong to the second group. The
group that has learned that its more about the experience they gain and what
they learn from it. Now don’t get me wrong the shiny coin in the end is nice
but it doesn’t compare to the memories of majestic views, sounds, smells, conversations
and true peace. Each year I learn more
about myself and about life. I add to the collection of moments and
memories. One can only laugh at the
slimy mango story at Ambler Loop. Or the
graceful fall ended with a shoulder roll down a rock strewn hill that left a
bloody leg on leg 1. Or how about the
bear met on the trail that pushed you to run just a little bit faster than ever
in your life. And then there are the
brief but meaningful conversations had with the 73 year old race icon whose
mere presence inspires you to the bone to what you want to be like when you grow
up. Along with the comradery along the
trail to new friends met to the sharing of Advil and salt pills. And who can forget the feeling of reaching
that mountain peak only to look down with absolute amazement that your own two
legs got you there and look at that view, truly indescribable. All these moments I would not have traded,
blisters, shin splints or upset stomach and all. So this year I go whether taped in KT tape or
duct tape with the intent of pushing myself physically but more than anything
to add to the collection of moments so dear to me. I don’t know what the end result of this day
will be for me but I look forward to the new challenge and what the day and
weekend has in store.
Alana Regier
Alana Regier
