This last week for me has been a struggle. I have been trying to prepare for and was
hoping to complete my board breaking requirement at Saturdays demo. I have spent an awful lot of time working on
shields and in the air, trying to come up with combinations that feel good and
will be successful for me. Last week in our 5:00am practice I thought it
was time to try a real board. I felt I
needed the confidence that I could do it and that if it went well, Saturday
during the demo, breaking would be a breeze.
It didn’t work out as I planned.
Monday, I got through the board, but my knuckle didn’t fare so
well. Thursday morning came around and I
thought, let’s try again with the other side of my hand and a different strike. Needless to say, that went worse yet. My first strike I tried to power through
without technique. The second strike was
great, went through like butter, however, by then my entire hand started
swelling almost immediately from the first unsuccessful attempt.
As I headed home after practice I felt this huge
disappointment and frustration. I have
been anxious and sidetracked with a feeling of defeat. I want so bad to break those suckers and carry
on but now I have hit a huge wall mentally. This last week I have felt deflated and felt
some of the “passion, vigor and vitality” sucked out of me.
As I have thought back over the last six years, I have had
high points and low points. There are
just those days when things go well and you feel like you’re on fire, and then
there are the other ones, where you feel like throwing yourself in a fire. One of my great lows was an absolute fear of
sparring. The two most frightening words
I could hear were “gear up.” I had come to a point where I even had
contemplated quitting kung fu (crazy words). What bothered me so much was the fact that I
loved kung fu and I really wasn’t prepared to throw in the towel. So with many, many hours spent in our garage
with my very patient husband and brother, I worked through it. Today I have come to really enjoy and look
forward to sparring.
Like my sparring dilemma, I need to have a change in
attitude. This is important to me and
not something I’m willing to give up on. I am not going to say “I can’t” but rather “I
haven’t YET.” This is going to be a
better week, bring on the boards!
Alana Regier
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